Ultimate Guide To Moving On

So you're heartbroken; we've all been there. 

The crying until you feel sick to your stomach, the inability to go to the places you once frequented together, the staying up all night unable to figure out what you could have done better, the gut-wrenching worry that someone is going to take your place...

It's normal.

Unfortunately, there is no cure for a broken heart in its entirety. 

However, there are some valuable tips and tricks I've gathered over the years that have proven to make my life and my friends' lives much more manageable after a breakup. 

Let's start with the initial purge, also known as phase one. 

The purge is arguably the most challenging but invaluable part of the moving-on process. 

It requires genuinely letting go of the things that make you hold onto hope or dive too deep into old memories. 

Starting simple, that sweater you wear to bed that smells like them? 

Please get rid of it.

Any item of theirs you may be holding onto are not helping you.

It's a way to stay attached to someone who is no longer there. It's no longer a comfort item; it's now something that will lead you to think about this person constantly. 

The purging phase also includes, you guessed it, social media. 

It would be best if you had a break. 

I suggest removing yourself from social media for at least a week post-break-up. Clear your mind, sit with your true thoughts, wallow, and feel it deeply. Whatever you need to do, be kind to yourself during this time.

However, if you cannot bear the idea of giving up your beloved nightly Instagram lurking sessions, well, then you, at the very least, must get rid of your ex on all socials. 

This may not have to be forever; maybe you will be friends one day, but they need to go for now. 

Leaving them on your social media is the root of two evils. 

First, you will read too hard into it whenever they post. It doesn't matter if they post a picture of their meal or their workout of the day. You're going to FBI the crap out of that very non-sentimental post and make yourself crazy.

Now, if you allow them to continue to follow you on social media, here arises another issue. Every time they watch your story, or like a picture, whatever the case may be, you'll think it means more than it does. You're going to convince yourself they miss you or that like meant they want you to reach out.

Now, I'm not saying this isn't the truth, but for your healing, you need to believe me when I say this often is not the case, and they need to be off your socials. 

Entirely.  

If you are still convinced you’re the exception to this rule; I urge you to watch “He’s just not that into you,” it is the relationship bible. Yes, it’s a rom-com, save the snide remarks and just trust me and watch it.

Phase two is closure. 

Now closure for many people has meant getting closure from your ex-significant other. 

That may work in some cases, but the reality is that they may never give you closure, and you need to focus on giving it to yourself. 

Cry, feel all the emotions you need to. 

Make a list of all the reasons it did not work and would not work in the future. 

Remind yourself that it's over for a reason; if this were your person, you would not feel this pain. 

Some breakups are more brutal than others, especially if infidelity is involved. 

No matter your story, you need to find a way to forgive them and yourself. Tell yourself that it's ok because it genuinely is. 

This chapter has closed, but it's with purpose, setting you up for the next chapter in your life, and that's beautiful. Moving on is only painful until you accept it; once you realize it's inevitable, that is closure. 

Now that the hard part is over, it's time for the most satisfying part. 

Figure out who you are; no more compromising or hanging out with their friends and doing their hobbies. What do YOU like to do?

I call this the third and final phase, finding yourself... 

It's easy to lose track of who you are while caring for someone else in a relationship. 

We often give up things unknowingly to put our partner's needs and wants before our own. 

Maybe you like the farmer's market on a Saturday morning, but they were never a morning person. 

Perhaps you hate clubs, but they were weekend warriors who couldn't miss a night out. 

Well, those days are done. 

You can satisfy your needs, and in this phase, you need to. 

Make a list of all the things you've been lacking, or want to do and turn it into a bucket list. 

It may not even be as deep as hobbies. Perhaps, you and your ex liked doing all the same things. It could be you dressed or held yourself a certain way to be more appealing to them. 

You've been putting off those bellbottom jeans because your partner didn't like that style? 

Buy them. 

That skimpy dress they weren't comfortable with you wearing out? 

This weekend sounds like a great time to test run it. 

Finally, a bonus phase that has always helped me... treat yourself. 

It could be something as small as a new plant for your house, something new to take care of and distract you, or maybe it's a weekend getaway.. 

Whatever it is, please do it. You deserve to feel important, and a small treat is a great way to put yourself first.

Will you be cured after following these three crucial steps? 

Probably not. 

Will you feel better? 

Absolutely. 

Remember that breakups are a normal part of life and that many have gone through them before you, and many will go through them after. 

You will grow more now in this painful time than you ever thought possible, and it will mould you into the person you're meant to be. 

Focus on your energy, and when in doubt, read over this guide. 

You got this!